Descriptions, then we're more than likely
Losing part of ourselves along the way.
Again there are few accomplishments
And I wait for sunrises and a little light
To lift me up from these sheets.
Are we destined to draw on the wells
Of other's imaginations, as we ponder
How deep are they and how long will this last.
I dropped pennies into the bucket before
Lowering it down to the water's surface;
Rings rippled in all directions, copper faces
Trip into a circular abyss, sink, vanish.
It dropped into my stomach, it was swallowed
Whole, I have consumed it all. What is streaming
From my eyes and why is copper running down
White cheeks and where did the bucket go.
Exhaustions, weight of waking in the morning only to
Feeling the lack of sunshine on my face- my skin
Is thinning, my hair is brittle- cracking Bones and
I'm losing all the days as they
Go by with GREAT notice and I mourn them
Each morning, before they're even lived.
But it is not how it seems and just like those
Spiders written around the margins they
Are imagined and I am imagining all the people
Laughing; so far removed. Where do you spend
Your evenings, how much pacing do you do-
Do you remember everything you want to?
Where is the world of travels and of mystery-
How does one get from there to here- or here to there.
And the phone calls are less frequent, never answered,
Lost in connection.
Why do you seem so far away and what are you
Doing studying the same things as me?
Maybe I'll throw rocks at all the reasons I'm not
Going back- what's back there, where's your dog-
Will it be cold- I won't be there.
All the Starbucks are lined with happy cups.
How can cups be so happy? Colors and quotes
And sleeves to keep hands from the burning
Hot liquid that doesn't coat the stomach enough to
Keep it from hurting. Can you send me a cup of your
Words, a collection of the conversations we could have
If I had a reason to see you.
And why does everyone go to Spain anyway?
For all the dollar signs its a shock you
Took it seriously, for once- Get out of my
Conversation. I said goodnight goodbye.
I have it all, it's in my pocket actually- small
Secrets for filling spaces where otherwise it all
Leaks out; Pour the contents on the floor and
I think I've just realized why- wait
What were you words oh screw goodbye.
I don't stand on rooftops anymore and hope
That cats won't show up and scare the shit out of me.
I won't be sliding off the roof where some crazy
Girl takes showers in the trees with a watering can.
Is that a rocket-ship or a drying rack? Your are the
Craziest Columbian I've ever met.
The map won't even stay on the wall, and all the
Tea is ruined- all of it. What kind of summer was
That; Can we have some purpose next time?
More occupations, less occupations, more
Tolstoy, less Tolstoy- Fucking Russians-
Run away from them, they'll knife you and
Pretend to be poor and pathetic and cry
And Scare the shit out of you and maybe even
Steal your bike if you don't watch out.
I don't think that really but maybe if she
Had the Bloody chance.
Also the Polish; go away go away
And find somewhere else to be Selfish.
I like to think about plastic plates shaped like
Fish and I think I remember a Long-John Silver
Somewhere along the way when Daddy was out of
Town; Fishsticks I HATED Fish sticks because they
Tasted like dry Rancid cardboard and Because
He wasn't there. Why did we always eat salads, every
Night like a ritual; Like we'd die of we didn't!
And all the tomatoes- and rags they stole the rags
And put stains on them I'll kill them.
Are you obsessive compulsive? Or just a little
Obsessed with being compulsive. It hast to be
Perfect why does it have to be perfect; I have shaking hands
Sometimes and I used to have this idea that there
Was some perfect Puzzle fit to all the questions in the book
About what the rest of your life is supposed to be like-
Let's laugh about that, please. It's anything but perfect and
I can't make it perfect and maybe that's why it kills me,
All of it kills me- Why can't I make it be what I want it to be.
And so I procrastinate, and listen to songs about
Peppermint Patty; talk about a tragic character. I'm sorry
Charlie Brown you lost big time. Let's not have Thanksgiving
Like your movies- you are depressing. Thanks.
It accomplishes nothing, and yet it accomplishes- wait yea,
Nothing. Nothing Stands with me in the empty room and
Turns to me; He says fill it, make it yours, put your words
All over this place and splatter the walls with the Most
Saturated emotions, the ones that make lumps in throats
Saturated emotions, the ones that make lumps in throats
And make you say things you didn't know existed- Where
Did this come from, it's not the fucking Spiders I told you and
What kind of conversation did that wall listen to; was it listening?
Pour another and another and open the door, close the
Door it squeaks but you know there's nothing in the corners,
No g-d-damn stink, no g-d-damn crazy people.
And none of it makes any sense to g-d-damn normal people,
Wherever they're hiding and judging and wondering what we
Do in our free time; Actually nobody paid attention anyway and
While I was melting in the storms they almost forgot to leave
A note- a Lousy note- on the door to say goodbye or hello or
Where are going? I have a box of daydreams I dip into now and then
And wonder what the hell the political philosophers were
Thinking when they sat down to write a book about whatever
They think they were writing about. Sometimes I just want
To sleep for days, climb into the base of mountains, make igloos,
Make tree forts and sleep in them- Let's sleep somewhere different but
It won't make a difference or fix anything or explain why- WHY.
Why don't you SLEEP every night, what is in the brain that keeps
You awake anyway- what is it what is it let's chase it, play pin the tail
On the Fucking donkey and see if we win the Prize; five cent
Gum that gets stuck in your teeth and requires dental attention-
Some prize. If you could have a night of simple solid sleep, what would
Some prize. If you could have a night of simple solid sleep, what would
You not be dreaming about?
Where does the ink run out; where does the rain smudge all
The meaning away- where did that week in the summer go when
I sat by the - ocean- wait shit it was interrupted by.... by this and
I sat by the - ocean- wait shit it was interrupted by.... by this and
That and all the driving and another human being I never should have
Called but who the Fuck would you have called anyway. I'm one
Human being not talking to another or talking to
Everyone all at once; who would you pick up the phone and
Call just because it felt like it was time to make amends or
Something and then you say stupid things and fall apart
From the last two months of pretending Everything is All right;
It's the Beatles in your brain that song that makes you feel
Like you're in the Strawberry Fields; Set up a tent and wait
For the Winter to come- what happens to central park in Winter?
And what are all the things tumbling tumbling that Fake Spring, it was
A Break? A brother and a walled off friend and two grandparents
So Italian it whispered from their pores. What? Yea, it did.
What does Mercy mean anyway? And why haven't we read every
Single sacred book, man-written book, truth telling book, God GIVEN
BooK as though it were the most important thing to Know? Why
Do you stick to your DOGMA I
WILL shove it down your throat and turn you the other way. Goodbye
Hello what is your obsession with Memory it's here, it's there it's F
a
a
LLin
G down
this Page and pooling at the bottom for later retrieval.
Oh shit, Hello- what wait you have a heart I have one
Too let's watch them pump blood together for a moment;
Some day I'll own a studio with white walls and easels and
Paints of EVERY color and places for typewriting, and infinite
Fresh Flowers for vases from All over the world and I'll
Make pretty things to fill the rest of our days, whoever it
Is shared with. Don't mess up your first- anything, don't mess
Up this especially, Don't Mess- don't miss, don't sstop looking and
Why do you keep looking? You don't have enough years, you have
Too many years, you're pacing again stop it.
Some day I'll build a paper boat and watch it
Float away with the tide.
